FOR MOST, THE ANTARCTIC IS NOT the first stop for a snowboarding trip. The continent at the bottom of the world is inhospitable, there are no permanent human settlements and it’s officially the largest desert on Earth (because of its minimal rainfall).

But for legendary mountain snowboarders Xavier De Le Rue and Jeremy Jones, it is also the Holy Grail. “People imagine the continent as flat and not offering the best conditions for snowboarding,” he understates. “But there are amazing slopes and mountains, particularly on Livingston Island and the Antarctic Peninsula. Much of it is at pretty low altitude, so in a lot of ways it’s easier than some of the slopes we were both used to in Europe.”

Well, maybe not quite that easy, even for the 31-year-old, three-time Freeride World Champion De Le Rue, who has been snowboarding since the age of 13 on his home slopes in the Spanish Pyrenees. The first trial actually failed the first time around, he explains: “The boat we were using broke down and I was gutted. But we had a second chance with this documentary and I wasn’t going to let the opportunity go. It sounded unreal. I went for the trip itself without really expecting an amazing snowboarding experience, but it was both – an amazing trip and incredible snowboarding.”

The documentary he refers to is part of a series called Lives Of The Artists, produced by energy drink Relentless.

It encourages world-class ‘artists’ – as it calls them – from climbers to musicians and sport stars to push their expertise and experiences to the limits. It has also featured big wave surfing in Tahiti and a dramatic tour with British hardcore punk band Gallows.

Of course, these kinds of adventures are not for the fainthearted, but De Le Rue admits Antarctic conditions weren’t as extreme as he’d imagined. “I also trained in Chamonix on the glacier last year – climbing and boarding – with Jeremy,” he enthuses. “It was perfect training as a team to get fully prepared for Antarctica. We both used split boards as well – snowboards that can unhinge into two and be used to ski tour (off-piste skiing without reliance on machinery for travel). They were essential for the trip.”

The coastline around the Peninsula is daunting to even the most hardened explorers, let alone De Le Rue and his team of eight. “We had small (inflatable) Zodiac boats to make approaches to the land (they slept on boats off shore),” he explains. “Antarctica has those huge, sheer ice walls, so navigating around them to make a landing on shore is really difficult. It was always interesting trying to find a passage through the ice! But once we got to the top of the slopes we felt so lucky. We had sun everyday and fresh powder. The Antarctic has amazing runs and mind-blowing scenery.”

More than just a jaunt on the slopes, for this trip both boarders had the latest equipment; a mixture of state-of-the-art boots, boards and bindings but also ice climbing kit, a combination that brought it’s own worries. “That was the tricky part, realising that in this amazing place the same risks applied as if we were snowboarding anywhere else.

If the slope began to slide, it would have thrown us into the water – and Antarctica’s water is not exactly a good place to be. With all the weight we were carrying and the temperature of the water, we’d have sunk like stones. On this trip I often felt the only bit of kit I was missing, just in case, was a life vest!”

The extreme isolation of the expedition was obviously the attraction to these two boarding experts but it’s also the biggest danger. “You never want to get hurt, obviously, but in Europe you can be alright, you can get helicoptered out if it’s really bad. Antarctica’s a very different matter. The nearest scientific base is a day or two’s transport away and then you’d get flown out whenever a plane was ready. That was in the back of our minds all the time.”

“The trip was life changing in loads of ways. It was so extreme and so beautiful. And it made me really appreciate living onboard – which is what makes Alaska so appealing to boarders; the snow and water combination. But I’d also like to travel to Pakistan and the Himalayas – there’s still some great slope faces that haven’t been ridden properly out there.”

Xavier De Le Rue and Jeremy Jones feature in Lives Of The Artists, a series of films that document ‘contemporary artists’ in their search for fulfilment. This new documentary will be screened on Channel 4 and is available free of charge online at relentlessenergy.com from early September.

GETTING THERE
For more information about this destination, visit your local Thomas Cook or Going Places store, or call +44 (0)844 412 5966 or visit www.thomascook.com

AND FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS EXTREME…

Nina McMaster, Winter Product and Commercial Manager for Neilson Active Holidays, nominates three snowboarding slopes closer to home

Åre, Sweden
Pronounced ‘ore-eh’, this is one of Northern Europe’s largest alpine resorts, with snow right through until Easter and beyond. Beginners can make the most of the learner slopes, while those looking for a challenge have the opportunity to slalom off the beaten track. As well as a new chalet for the season, Årebo, you can add on other activities, like husky safaris and snowshoeing.

Ischgl, Austria
Brand new to Neilson, Ischgl, set high in the Tyrol’s striking Silvretta mountain range, has wide open runs (great for freeriding), lots of off-piste, a World Championship Half-pipe (aka The Tube) and one of the top freestyle parks in the Alps. Thrill-seekers will want to try the famous toboggan run from the top of the Silvrettabahn – a challenging 7km with a vertical drop of almost 1,000m. Yikes.

Les Deux Alpes, France
One of Neilson’s flagship resorts, Les Deux Alpes is renowned for an excellent snow record, long sunshine hours and high altitude pistes. The newly renovated Hotel Aalborg (neilson.co.uk) – which is run and managed exclusively by Neilson – is another reason to make tracks there this year. Its brand new wellness area is perfect piste-side base to soothe muscles after a hard day’s slog.

WHITE TO WEAR

Snow+Rock selects the latest snowboarding gadgets

Element RX snowboard, £490, Arbor
This Reverse Camber board (where the nose and tail are raised and the centre of the board is in contact with the ground) makes powder riding and freestyling that much easier. The Grip Tech sidecut extends to the edges on the snowboard beneath your feet, giving you more control for power steering and exceptional grip on- and off-piste.

I/O goggle, £139.95, Smith
A unique, quick release lens system and rimless design means interchanging between different lenses is easy. It comes with two mirrored lenses – a Neon green Solex lens (for bright light) and a blue lens for low light (ideal for cloudier weather). The spherical shape means you’ll have an optimum range of vision on the slopes.

Impact glove, £79.95, Level
These gloves feature a pumpable polyurethane bladder, which when inflated, helps stabilise the wrist and cushion against any impact that you might experience park or rail riding. You can also release the air and use it as an everyday glove around the mountains.

PHOTOGRAPHY JAMES BEDFORD

BLESSED WITH OVER 300 days of sunshine each year, an east coast lined with sandy beaches, a mountainous interior ideal for ramblers, and a medieval citadel as its capital, it’s little wonder Rhodes draws copious crowds of holidaymakers.

This former outpost of the Roman, Byzantine, Venetian and Ottoman empires today depends on the legions of tourists who descend on the buzzing beach resorts and high-rise hotels. The mass tourism of the 70s and 80s may have deterred some, but Rhodes has undergone a sea change and is now appealing to a new kind of traveller.

Local and international hoteliers have started to create a new brand of luxury tourism that capitalises on the island’s rich cultural heritage. Sheraton Rhodes Resort (hotels4u.com), where I stayed, is one example; it is planning to renovate 401 rooms in time for next summer. On my visit, after feasting on tomato fritters and grilled monkfish, I set out to explore the Old Town, four kilometres away. The Knights of St John converted the capital into a monumental fortress where layers of history – medieval battlements, Gothic turrets, Byzantine churches, mosques and minarets – intersect. It’s like several movie sets rolled into one. Indeed such classics as The Guns of Navarone, Escape to Athena and Pascali’s Island were shot here.

History oozes from every inch of porous limestone, yet this is very much a living monument. Laundry flutters, cats scuttle and mopeds sputter along the cobbled lanes.

The island is famous for its School of Rhetoric, attended by legendary orators Cicero and Caesar. And the souvenir sellers who line the main drag, Sokratous Street, seem to have inherited the gift of the gab.

After strolling around the city walls – up to 12 metres thick and four kilometres long – I head for the Turkish baths, Yeni Hamam, where an hour of steaming leaves me feeling like a sultan. The hamam is on Arionos Square, the hub of local nightlife. But I prefer the secluded garden at Marco Polo where the spirited manager, Effi Dede, tells me what to order: seared tuna in a sesame crust; spinach, feta, orange and pomegranate salad; and pannacotta. She chooses well – it’s Greek with a big, chi chi twist.

Most of my fellow diners are Italians – perhaps a legacy of the Italian occupation that spanned from 1912 until 1947. The impressive Kallithea Springs, alfresco baths built in the 1920s, are unmistakably Italian. However, the mineral waters are supposed to have a laxative effect, so I give it a miss. Instead, I seek out a host of resorts in nearby Faliraki where the lavish spas have less alarming side effects. Try the Elysium (hotels4u. com) or the brand new Kresten Royal Villas (+30 22410 03240, thekrestenroyal.gr).

Most luxury hotels are clustered around Lindos, Rhodes’ prettiest, best preserved village. Sculpted into the hillside above Vlycha bay is Lindos Blu (+30 22440 32110, lindosblu.gr), an adults-only hotel where the service is as immaculate as the gleaming marble and glass interiors. Two infinity pools spill seductively over the cliff – the perfect setting for watermelon martinis as the sun drops behind distant hills. Meanwhile the big draw at the newly opened Aquagrand on Navarone Bay (+30 22440 49100, aquagrand.gr), is the state-of-the-art AquaSenses spa.

Since the 1960s, Lindos has been a magnet for rock stars (Pink Floyd) and pop royalty (Barbra Streisand). Every courtyard is paved with pebble mosaics of doves, peacocks and flowers. I follow the donkeys laden with lazy tourists up the hill to the acropolis, where the views are as magnificent as the ruins.

“Southern Rhodes is where locals go to unwind,” says Sofia Mailli, at the lovely Lindian Village (elegantresorts.com), right on Lardos beach. Set in 25 hectares of gardens, many of the low-slung bungalows and sexy suites have private pools. After plying me with irresistible courgette croquettes with tzatziki, Sofia suggests the eponymous cocktails at Mojito beach bar on Lachania beach.

For me, the real surprise is the island’s interior, which is virtually untouched by any sign of human life, let alone tourism. Deep in the mountains at Profitis Ilias, I stumble upon Elafos and Elafina (Deer and Doe), a pair of hunting lodges built by the Italians in 1929 with a café that is open to the public. The surrounding pine forests seem to have inspired an architecture more suited to Grindewald than Greece.

It seems that from ancient temples to thermal baths, woodland trails to watersports, the cosmopolitan capital of the Dodecanese really does have something for everyone.

The writer and photographer stayed as guests at the Sheraton Hotel (www.hotels4u.com). Car hire with Avis was provided courtesy of the Rhodes Tourist Board

GETTING THERE
For more information about Rhodes, visit your local Thomas Cook or Going Places store, call +44 (0)844 412 5966 or visit www.thomascook.com

CHIC GREEK EATS

Marco Polo Agiou Fanouriou 40-42, Old Town (+30 22410 25562, marcopolomansion.gr) Savour flash-fried calamari and pork fillet with manouri cheese and fig jam in an enchanting garden. It’s worth booking ahead.

Alexis 4 Seasons 33 Aristotelous Street, Old Town (+30 22410 70522, alexis4seasons.com) Serving expensive but excellent seafood to the likes of Winston Churchill and Jackie Onassis since 1957.

Mavrikos Lindos (+30 22440 31232) Brothers Michalis (PICTURED LEFT) and Dimitris Mavrikos have won countless awards and loyal fans with this Greek food like you’ve never tasted before: sautéed calamari in beetroot and saffron sauce, bulgar and octopus ragout, and slow-roast goat with chickpeas.

Melenos Lindos: Lindos (+30 22440 32222, melenoslindos.com) Enjoy sublime views from this rooftop restaurant nestled below the Acropolis of Lindos. Like the arabesque décor, chef Gogo Nikolopoulou’s menu is influenced by Asia Minor.

Five Senses: Lindos Blu hotel, (+30 22440 32110, lindosblu.gr) Exceptional food for very special occasions: tuna and lagoustine tartare, scorpion fish in bouillabaisse sauce, and steak smothered in truffle cream.

Broccolino: Lindos, (+30 22440 31688) When you tire of Greek salad, tuck into delicious homemade pasta at this trattoria with just a handful of tables in a pretty cobbled courtyard.

Ambrosia: Lindos (+30 22440 31804, lindostreasures.com) George Katsaras has turned his home into an elegant restaurant with a vaulted courtyard.

Plimiri Beach: Plimiri (+30 22440 46003) The quintessential Greek taverna: bamboo awning, blue and white checked tablecloths, octopi hanging out to dry. Bliss.

PHOTOGRAPHY VAN DITTHAVONG

WE’RE SURROUNDED by men. And it is all men, slaving over smokers, turning their meat and basting furiously in preparation for a panel of judges who will prod, sniff and savour their best efforts.

Americans take their barbecues very seriously. There’s even a professional barbecue competition circuit with events such as this one run by the Texas-based Lone Star Barbecue Society that has attracted 33 teams.

The competition is only a 40-minute drive from sleek, shiny Dallas but it may as well be 40 hours. This is Texas proper – with cowboy boots, Stetsons and chicken- fried steak (like a Wiener schnitzel.)

The Taste of Mesquite Barbecue Cook-

off, part of The Real Texas Festival is a big deal locally. It’s held in the grounds of the Mesquite Rodeo, which will perform tonight to packed crowds, adding a comforting horse dung aroma to the heady baked cinnamon notes already wafting over the festival grounds.

Food stalls serving roasted ears of butter-slathered corn, foot-long ‘dogs’, funnel cakes (like a fried dough cake) and deep-fried Oreos gear up for 26,000 visitors. There’s also a soundtrack of live country music, with popular band Cross Canadian Ragweed headlining, and a Cowboys and Chrome Car Show that I’ve got my eye on for later.

The barbecue folk have been here all night. A thunderstorm threatened to wash out their efforts but they kept the rain off their custom-made smokers, which burned through the night, fed by charcoal and a variety of woods – from hickory and oak, to maple and mesquite. The choice of wood, we discover, is as important as the rub, the combination of spices, seasonings and herbs that add flavour and texture to the meat.

But first, a guide to the basics: You don’t actually grill stuff in a real barbecue – let’s get that straight. According to

these aficionados, it’s all about cooking your meat “low and slow”, which means over an indirect heat on a charcoal or gas grill, similar to smoking. What you don’t do, they sniff, is cook over a direct heat, which grills the meat fast and hot. Grilling is fine for burgers, steaks and chicken breasts, I’m told, but not for roasts, ribs, whole chickens and other large cuts.

And they’re right. Once you’ve tasted the genuine article, there’s no turning back. I even found myself eyeing up an imported smoker (americanbbq.co.uk, from £495) as the weekend went on but according to Troy Black, my old Weber kettle will do just fine.

Black is one of America’s top ‘pit masters’. He’s ranked fifth in the world and he’s at the event to hold a series of masterclasses on cooking methods and the best recipes for rubs.

He’s also here to judge. For the first time, Black will be on the other side of the table, rating the competition. Thankfully, he will also hold my hand as a guest judge, showing me what to look for as we plough through countless chickens and a line-up of briskets. Pork spare ribs and beans has its own set of judges.

Strict rules state that we can’t judge two categories back to back, nor can we confer, and everything is tasted blind. We must rate each entry for aroma, appearance, tenderness and taste – looking out for any entries that are suspiciously too moist and tender. “It means that it’s been injected with a saline solution,” whispers Black, “and that’s against the rules.”

Brisket is the Holy Grail of barbecue meats in Texas: It’s the trickiest part of the animal to cook and the tough cut needs plenty of time to tenderise. “It’s all about the concentration of flavours – they’ve got one bite to impress the judge,” Black explains, as we nibble on the first entry.

The Mayor of Mesquite, John Monaco, who reckons he’s a dab hand at barbecue, joins us on the judging table. “Every Texan man knows how to barbecue,” he booms. His secret? Beer. “I mix a little in with the rub,” he confides.

I also learn that barbecue is really a Southern States thing. It’s a revered cultural experience where there are barbecue restaurants in every town and barbecues in every backyard. In this part of the country, devotees argue long and hard about what makes the best – from the type of meat down to the sauces, sides and the accompanying drinks.

There’s no disputing that pork is the meat of choice in most areas of the barbecue belt. But Texans champion beef – especially brisket, while northern Kentuckians favour mutton, and it’s chicken that dominates the table in Maryland. In South Carolina, they like their sauces mustard-based, in North Carolina it’s vinegar while in Alabama, the chicken is accompanied by a mayonnaise-based concoction.

Black used to be a cop in his hometown of Birmingham, Alabama. But after the long hours finally got to him, he chucked it all in to take up a job writing about his first love, landscape design. One day, his editor at Southern Living magazine asked him to fill in for the travel editor and cover a barbecue competition. There was no looking back; he was hooked.

“I’ve been cooking barbecue all my life but I didn’t realise there was a whole world out there dedicated to it,” he tells me. He finally gave up the day job and now competes in 30 barbecue contests every year and demonstrates regularly, travelling 120,000km with his mastiff, Rocco. His wife and two teenage daughters join him on the road whenever they can.

And yes, before you ask, it can be lucrative. Four competitions offer a top prize of $100,000, and many more offer half that amount. To put that into perspective, there are some 5,000 teams competing in the country, with names such as Pork Fiction and Serial Grillers. The Kansas City Barbecue Society competition is ranked the most serious and their Super Bowl is the world championship held in Memphis in May, where more than 200 teams compete.

“There’s no doubt it’s growing in popularity – you just have to look at the prize money on offer,” says Black, who has a new trailer being custom made, complete with built-in smoker and granite under-floor heating. He now makes regular TV appearances and has published a book, the Southern Living Big Book of BBQ: Recipes and Revelations from the Barbecue Belt, as well as managing a useful website, learn2q.com

There’s still time to check out the ribs and beans that we don’t get to judge – and the aromas emanating from Royce Williams’s rig draw us in. “What’s in your rub?” I brazenly ask (no one shares their recipes). “Salt and pepper and 11 other ingredients,” he flashes back, with a grin.

He’s been working on his meat rubs for many years and isn’t about to reveal all now. But his work has paid off. These are the best pork ribs I’ve ever tasted – savoury and aromatic in equal measures, pulling away from the bone clean, and leaving teeth marks in the meat (a sign of perfection, according to Black). “Why do I do it? You meet a lot of good folk,” replies Williams, in his 70s, a bandana securing his long wavy grey locks.

But my vote goes to pit master Smokin’ Joe for the best beans. He won with this recipe last year and won’t be messing with it any time soon. They’re like baked beans – but better. Joe soaks dried pinto beans overnight before cooking them

slowly with smoky bacon and vegetables that include red peppers and tomatoes, copious chilli and spices – I think I can taste cumin? “That’s right – but that’s all I’m telling,” he smiles.

Jason Mohl is actually selling his custom-made barbecues and rubs through his outdoor kitchen company Premier Grilling – and what better way to do that than compete in barbecue competitions, he figured. A barbecue fanatic since the age of four, Mohl squirts a mixture of melted butter and Tabasco over his chicken to keep it tender and enhance the flavour. “That’s our secret ingredient,” he reveals, generously.

Later, the prize ceremony is met with good-natured cheers. Contestants clutch their trophies in one hand and their well- earned bottles of beer in the other. My boy Royce came close to the top for most of his categories so I feel like I’m getting the hang of spotting a winner, even if I’m a long way off cooking at that level. But who knows? Maybe next year, there will be a UK contender? I just need to start working on that rub. www.realtexasfestival.com

GETTING THERE
For more information about Texas, visit your local Thomas Cook or Going Places store, call +44 (0)844 412 5966 or visit www.thomascook.com

THREE TIPS TROY BLACK’S TIPS TO MASTERING YOUR BARBECUE

1 Take the meat out of the fridge while the grill is heating, and let it stand for 30-45 minutes. Having the meat at room temperature is important because if you put it on the grill cold, the outer portion will burn.
2 Don’t press your burger patties with a spatula as they’re grilling. It makes them lose their all-important tasty juices.
3 When smoking, the temperature of the meat, not the time, is the most important factor in determining when they’re done – use a meat probe.

LOVE ME TENDER: TROY BLACK’S PORK RIBS

The rub
1 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
½ cup granulated garlic
½ cup kosher salt
½ cup paprika
2 tbsp granulated onion
1 tbsp dry mustard
1 tbsp Creole seasoning
1 tbsp chilli powder
1 tbsp ground red pepper
1 tbsp ground cumin
1 tbsp ground black pepper

The barbecue
Three slabs of baby back pork ribs
Barbecue rub
Hickory wood chips
Apple juice
Barbecue sauce

Prepare a hot fire by piling charcoal on one side of grill, leaving the other side empty. Place cooking grate on grill. Arrange ribs over unlit side. Grill two hours, covered with grill lid, adding five to seven charcoal pieces every 45 minutes to one hour, and keeping temperature between 225 and 250˚F. Add a handful of hickory chips to the charcoal every 20 to 30 minutes. Spritz ribs with apple juice from a squeeze-trigger sprayer each time you add wood chips and coals.

Stir together all ingredients in a bowl. Store in an airtight container. Makes about three cups.
TENDER TIP For ribs that will be “fall-off-the- bone” tender, cook them until they bend to the ground when you pick them up with tongs.

Remove thin membrane from back of ribs by slicing into it with a knife and then pulling. Sprinkle meat generously with barbecue rub (see ingredients above). Massage rub into meat. Wrap tightly with cling film and chill for eight hours.

Reposition slabs occasionally, placing the one closest to the heat source in the back and adding hickory chips and coals as needed. Grill for two more hours. Remove ribs from the grill and place on heavy-duty aluminium foil. Spritz with apple juice; tightly seal. Place foil-wrapped ribs back on the grill; cook for two more hours. Remove ribs from foil, place flat on the grill, and baste generously with your favourite barbecue sauce. Grill 20 minutes more. Remove from grill, and allow to stand 10 minutes.

PHOTOGRAPHY PAUL CALVER

AS A FORMER GOLF MAGAZINE EDITOR, I’m often asked to ‘get under the skin’ of the sport in whatever corner of the globe I find myself. Which, with identikit courses that could be anywhere from Townsville to Torremolinos and that lack inspiration or individualism, can be a difficult task. Thank Mother Nature, then, for Madeira.

The truth is having never been within a long drive of the island, all I really knew about Madeira was that Cristiano Ronaldo was born and raised in the capital Funchal, and that the economy relies on wine and tourism. But there are many reasons to make Madeira the next pin on your golfing map. First, there is that sub-tropical climate that never drops below 20˚C. The island is also blessed with a triumvirate of tremendous courses, all of which are ranked in the top 100 in Europe. And did I mention they will be joined by a Nick Faldo-designed course later this year? All of this just a three-and-a-half-hour flight from the UK.

As a travelling golfer, my requirements fall into two camps – need and want. I need to know that a course has all of the required facilities to ensure I’m comfortable and can play freely, unencumbered by the sort of nagging thought that can result in a yip or, even worse, a shank. You need to know that the fairways will be lush, the greens cut to the quick, the bunkers full of sand and that the course will play fair. Only then can you move on to the want list.

Mine is exactly the same as my car list – beauty and character. Which takes us back to Mother Nature. Of all the islands, continents, islets and archipelagos I have teed up on, Madeira is right up there in the beauty pageant. The unique location in the Atlantic, stumbled upon by Portuguese sailors more than 500 years ago, guarantees a climate that is ripe for plant life. Take, for instance, Palheiro Golf Club, the first course I tackled. It’s home to some 704 different varieties of tree that line the fairways and ravines and provide a stunning backdrop as you tackle the par-72 layout.

So with my first ticked off, how does the course fare? On first glance, incredibly so. With every whim catered for before I swung in earnest, I was primed and ready to go toe-to-toe with this tricky little number. I’d recommend a trip to the range beforehand to gauge the length of your irons and, in particular, work on your wedge play. There are blind holes aplenty, and the kind of up-hill-down- dale topography redolent of golf in the Lake District. You will undoubtedly find the rough on occasion, and this sloping, rolling track guarantees that you will be hitting everywhere from below your feet to chest height as you attempt to attack the flag. What Palheiro lacks in length, it certainly makes up for in character and, as regular frustrated visitors to Spain and Portugal will attest, the ability to complete a round in four hours without having to wait on every tee places another weighty tick in both columns.

The next morning, as the sun rose in the distance over the eastern tip of the island, I stood 730m above sea level, placed ball on peg and attempted to tackle Santo de Serra Golf Club, the glittering jewel in Madeira’s opulent golfing crown. With clouds rolling off the bay and across the fairway beneath and the azure of the Atlantic in the distance, it had to rank as one of the most beautiful first tee moments I’ve had in many years of golf journalism, and that includes major championship courses on both side of the pond. However Santo de Serra would not be the current home of the Madeira Islands Open by merely fluttering its eyelashes, the course can be, if the wind is up, a harsh mistress.

Of the 27 holes, I played the Championship course, comprising the Desertas and Machico layouts. If there is one over-riding similarity between these two loops of nine, it is how they lure you in over the first three holes before going for the jugular on the stretch from holes four to seven. In both detail and aesthetics, Santo de Serra has everything you could wish for. Exhilaratingly beautiful, the course is also in immaculate condition and has all the elements of a great golf course: drives over ravines to wide fairways, iron shots into postage stamp greens, carefully placed water that joins forces with the wind and intelligent bunkering that is in play off every tee. And, following the long, uphill 18th, there cannot be many places in Europe that rival the views as you dine on the local Black Scabbard fish and sweet wine on the clubhouse terrace.

If variety is the very spice of life, then you must take the ferry to the nearby island of Porto Santo. The first discovery by Portuguese sailors is the yin to Madeira’s yang. With a terrain that wouldn’t look out of place in the Canary Islands, the island is home to a mere 5,000 people and, more importantly, a golf course designed by the coolest golfer to ever stalk the fairways – Severiano Ballesteros (www.porto-santo.com).

Dispensing with the traditional layout of a par-72 18-hole course, the previous home of the Madeira Islands Open features six par-threes, six par-fours and six par-fives. Tight in terms of design, the challenge here is that you can’t settle into a groove over a stretch of par-fours and need to be in complete control of your swing to score well. That’s not to say it isn’t enjoyable, just hard. And just as your spirit begins to weaken, you get to holes 13, 14 and 15, a trio of cliff top holes framed by crashing waves and volcanic rocks, and the sheer majesty of it all lifts you up for the home stretch.

And for the fanatics out there who think three courses don’t make a golf holiday, with Madeira, I’d say you’re wrong. The appeal of wait-free rounds on immaculate courses, the landscape and the weather makes Madeira much more than the sum of its parts.

For this golfer, three days was nowhere near enough and I’ll certainly return. See you on the first tee.

The writer and photographer stayed at The Choupana Hills Resort and Spa and Reid’s Palace Hotel (both www.elegantresortsco.uk). Fore more information, contact The Madeira Promotion Bureau, www.madeirapromotionbureau.com

GETTING THERE
For more information about Madeira visit your local Thomas Cook or Going Places store, call +44 (0)844 412 5966 or visit www.thomascook.com

BETWEEN BIRDIES: WHERE TO EAT ON THE ISLAND

Riso
Funchal’s best restaurant overlooking the water is a risottoria, meaning there’s plenty of rice on the menu. Order the squid risotto. Rua de Santa Maria 274, 9050 040, +351 291 280 360, ww.riso-fx.com

MADEIRA FOR NON-GOLFERS

Mountain highs
Marvel at the views from 1,500m above sea level and head into lush green valleys and peaceful forests. There are half- and full- day treks to suit all abilities. www.thomascook.com

Natural peaks
Visit the island’s natural highlights – Cabo Girão’s dramatic sea cliffs, Porto Moniz’s lava rock pools, Seixel’s pretty waterfalls and the Paúl de Serra plateau – in one tour Wonders- of the West offered by Thomas Cook. www.thomascook.com

Paint it like Churchill
If the West Tour has left you feeling inspired, Reid’s Palace offers three and six-day painting courses for beginners and advanced artists alike, made up of trips to the places Churchill himself used to paint. www.reidspalace.com

WORDS DAVE SPIKEY
ILLUSTRATION JONATHAN ALLARDYCE

A word in Spanish

I was recently on a bit of a jolly with seven mates and we were on our way to a show at Benidorm Palace. I like Benidorm a lot – the beaches are brilliant – some of the best in Europe – and the old town is fab with its small bars, traditional tapas restaurants and top entertainment. We’d just finished a delicious paella and I wanted to let my waiter know in my best very newly-acquired Spanish: “La comida es delicioso” (which translates to “the meal was delicious” – well, near enough).

My mates were impressed and so was the waiter. I felt myself growing in confidence and decided to try asking for the bill, too. To understand the schoolboy error I then made, you need to know two words in Spanish: la cuenta, which means the bill and queso, which is cheese. On paper they may look different but say them phonetically in your head, ie kwenta and kweso!

But back to the story, I proudly asked the waiter for “la queso por favor” and he looked at me questioningly. “La queso?” he questioned and I replied more forcefully, “si!” He then said something I didn’t quite catch but I think it meant “for everyone?” and so I said, “si!” To illustrate the point and show off a bit more, I counted out my companions: “Una, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete, ocho… para ocho.”

He returned with more cheese than you’ve ever seen in your life. Being a total idiot, I thought it was a freebie – like a Spanish After Eight. Impressed, I said, look at this! You don’t get this in England.

After half an hour, we just about managed to see the cheese mountain off. Then one of my mates Steve said, “come on Dave, we’d better get a wriggle on, the show starts in 15 minutes.” Our waiter approached and I repeated, “la queso?” He just shot me a weird look, shrugged and disappeared. Two minutes later he came back and Steve announced, “he’s bringing more cheese Dave!” and there he was wheeling Sainsbury’s cheese counter towards us on a trolley!

As a postscript to this true story, I am sad to report that Steve is now addicted to cheese… and I mean properly. He has to wear Kraft cheese slices like nicotine patches but he’s slowly getting better, thank goodness.

Crab paste

After a gig in Mumbai, my wife and I took a train south and hooked up with some friends for a peaceful, chilled-out holiday on the endless palm-fringed golden beaches of South Goa. On our very first morning there, I managed to get into a fight with a German bloke over a crab.

We were sitting and chilling on Colva beach, drinking Kingfisher beers when a couple appeared on the horizon and made their way towards us along the waterline. The man was about 40 and slightly on the larger side. I was clocking his bushy moustache and tiny thong slung under his belly when suddenly he stopped. He was distracted by something at the water’s edge and unslung an expensive looking camera from around his neck.

We watched intently as he took a few snaps, then squatted to get a close-up.

He then kicked whatever he’d been looking at in the sand to which my wife said, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

I groaned because I suspected she was right. She approached Colonel Blimp who unbelievably responded with another kick. “DAVE!?” my wife screeched. I slowly rose, downed the rest of my beer (It would only have grown warm sitting there) and wandered over to find the object of the man’s attention was a beautiful big crab.

The crab was trying to return to the safety of the sea but the photographer stopped him. I said, “don’t do that mate,” but he ignored me and carried on bullying the crab. I said, “look, you’ve got enough photographs now surely, leave the crab alone.” In response he spat out: “You know nothing about crabs!”

I said, “Look, I know enough to know that they don’t enjoy being kicked up a beach.” He glared at me and without warning kicked the crab – sickeningly hard – about three metres farther up the beach. Amazingly, the crab didn’t seem seriously injured and was now making its way back to the beckoning call of the breaking waves – obviously stunned because it was walking in a straight line. Before I could react the thonged man made a dash for the crab shouting, “I will kill the crab!”

“What!?” “I will bite the crab and eat the crab alive!” I’m not joking, that’s what he said, and then turned to me with a seriously mad look on his face and made out like he was eating a crab. He even made accompanying sound effects.

It pushed me over the edge. I dived past him and plucked the crab from the sand with one hand as he tried to tackle me. When he swung his first punch, I dodged, and realised that it would be difficult to defend myself with a startled crustacean in one hand. Fortunately, I managed to step aside, and he unceremoniously bundled himself into the surf. By the time he recovered I was waist deep in the ocean and taunting him: “I’ve got the crab, I’ve got the crab!”

In retrospect, it was not my best moment. He harrumphed (I’d never seen anyone harrumph before but when you see it, it is unmistakeable) and with that he marched off down the beach. I placed the crab gently in the shallows. I swear as we stood watching him fade into the distance that the crab emerged from the surf, smiled a big crabby smile and slowly, deliberately, raised his massive front claws and threw him the ‘V’ sign.

The comedian and the dragon tattoo

My gigs in Hong Kong are always held at the Punchline Comedy Club, which is based in the Viceroy restaurant right on the harbour front near the famous Star Ferry terminal. When you stand on stage you can see the breathtaking skyline of the city through the big windows.

Hong Kong is one of my favourite places ever. I love the colour, the vibrancy, the noise and the hustle and bustle. I love the fact that it is a stunningly beautiful and very modern city, yet at street level is still very Chinese with markets and shops echoing with shouts of the traders and flashing neon lights. Hong Kong is also famous for its tattoo parlours, which were most sought out by the sailors of the allied fleets.

A comedian I once shared a bill with decided he wanted a dragon tattoo on his back to complement his already staggering range of body art.

I went with him and decided to do a bit of sightseeing while he was being tattooed. After a couple of ice cold Chinese beers – I had worked up a little idea in my head which made me giggle. I walked back into the tattoo parlour, suppressing a manic snigger, and sought out my pal who was still sitting patiently in the chair while the tattooist worked on his back.

I walked straight up to observe the artist’s craft from behind and feigned a startled, shocked expression, shouting in a loud voice, “NO!!! He said dragon not wagon!” I thought everyone would agree that this was a top joke. I hadn’t anticipated that my pal would try to look over his shoulder (which is ridiculous, you can’t see your back anyway). And that as a result, the tattooist left a trail of dots on my mate’s back. He still can’t laugh about it, even though the tattooist managed to incorporate the extra line into a very fancy looking dragon tail.

My Life: Under the Microscope by Dave Spikey is published on 7 October, by Michael O’Mara Books, £20. He can also be seen on his nationwide stand-up tour called Words Don’t Come Easy from 24 February, 2011

GETTING THERE
For more information about these destinations, visit your local Thomas Cook or Going Places store, or call +44 (0)844 412 5966 or visit www.thomascook.com

PHOTOLIBRARY

01 MAJORCA
TWO WHEELS GOOD

Majorca’s north-west coast is – spiritually at least – a million miles from the neon lights of Magaluf. Hire a two-wheeler at Puerto Pollensa and join the road that ribbons west along a dramatic coastline – past terraced olive groves, sepia fincas and the charming huddled villages of Deia and Soller where you can pause for an orange juice pressed fresh from sweet local fruit. Pro Cycle Hire, Puerto Pollenca, +34 971 86 68 57, procyclehire.com

02 RETHYMNON, CRETE
TREKKING AND DIVING

Forget the tameness of the waterpark. Real adventure lies in river trekking through the gorges of Kourtaliotis and Patsos in Rethymnon, Crete. Clamber across caramel stone, wade through sparkling rivers then cool off by diving into an impossibly blue lake, explorecrete.com

03 FARO, PORTUGAL
UNINHABITED BLISS

Be Robinson Crusoe for a day. With a boat trip to Faro’s otherworldly Ilha Deserta – a golden sandbank cast up by the Med crashing into the Atlantic off Faro’s coast, beyond its aquamarine lagoon. Depart from Porta Nova’s Pier, six daily departures. 20, + 351 918 779 155

04 TENERIFE
TAKE THE HIGH ROAD

Holidaymakers who laminate themselves to Tenerife’s beaches for two straight weeks are missing out. Take a jeep ride into the switchback roads of Tenerife’s interior where a spectacular landscape opens out: the almost-lunar Rocks of Garcia, lush forests, the ruins of the lost village of Masca and – looming 3,600m above it all – the volcano of Mount Teide. Thomas Cook offers excursions such as Teide and Masca ( 45 per person), Teide by Night ( 99 per person) and a half-day tour for 38 per person.

05 ÖLÜDENIZ, TURKEY
WINGING IT

Solitude, silence and a bird’s-eye view for miles around: nothing gives you a perspective on the hubbub of human life like paragliding. Ölüdeniz, Turkey’s ‘Dead Sea’ (near to Fethiye) makes for a magnificent backdrop – a turquoise lagoon bordered by thick pine forest, with a view out to the shadowy Taurus Mountains beyond. Ikarus paragliding school, +90 252 617 05 00, www.ikarus.com.tr

06 CALABRIA, ITALY
LIFE IS SWEET

Southern Italians have an irrepressibly sweet tooth, as the gleaming turrets of gelato and feathery pastries beckoning from pasticceria windows attest. Learn to make some of the finest Italian treats to professional standard at the Italian Culinary Institute’s one-day introductions to artisan gelato and Italian pastries in Calabria, 300, +39 334 333 2554, italianculinary.it

07 OURENSE, SPAIN
CRAFTY PLEASURES

Traditional crafts have a wonderful capacity to steady the fingers and soothe a harried soul, though too few of us know our bobbins from our bodkins. Remedy this with a day course in basketry, dyeing or weaving at Casa Dos Artesans, a crafting school set in the creased green hills of Galicia, from 100, +34 988 20 7404, www.casa-dos-artesans.com

08 THE ROCKIES, CANADA
SADDLE UP

Canada’s southeastern Rockies, a short drive from Calgary, offer some of North America’s most epic topography. Explore on four legs, padding through alpine meadow trails and clear mountain streams, charging your lungs with unused air as snow-topped mountains rise up on every horizon. (If you’re lucky, you’ll catch sight of the wild horses of Alberta, tearing across your path in a blur.) Moose Mountain Horseback adventures, $140 ( 100) day ride, +1 403 949 3329, www.packtrips.ca

09 NICE, FRANCE
BEST POSSIBLE TASTE

Hone your shopping and cookery skills in the home of haute cuisine with a one-day course in French market and gourmet shopping and basic cookery skills (held at the chef’s apartment) Nice, from £274 (also Bordeaux), www.golearnto.com

10 CUMBRIA, UK
GET YOUR GOAT

We’ve fed and groomed them and they’ve responded in kind with their meat, milk, wool and fibre for cashmere and angora. Now you can learn how to care for some of these endearing rare breeds at the Cumbrian Goat Experience, +44 (0)1946 726246, www.cumbrian-goat-. experience.co.uk

11 THESSALONIKI, GREECE
EAT CHIC

If you’re going to splurge anywhere in Greece, the gastro capital Thessaloniki – which bristles with chic supper spots – is the place to do it. Best of all, restaurants openly compete to offer free desserts – from baklava to light-as-air chocolate cakes. Book a tour guide through the Tourist Information Office, +30 2310 500 310.

12 GRAN CANARIA
TAKE A HIKE

Gran Canaria offers wonderful, moderately challenging hiking; especially during winter’s cooler, but sunny, afternoons. Climb down into the Caldera de Bandama, a 200m deep volcanic crater, and up to the Pico de Bandama to see views across to Fuerteventura. www.turismodecanarias.com

13 CURAÇAO, CARIBBEAN
WITNESS AN AMAZING UNDERWATER WORLD

14 ORLANDO, USA
GLIDE INTO THE EVERGLADES

An alternative to the artificiality of Walt’s world, Kissimmee nature park, just south of Orlando, encompasses 400 wild hectares: from Shingle Creek deep into the heart of the Everglades’ ‘river of grass’. See them by canoe with Way Fun Kayak and Canoe Adventures, +1 407 957 0071.

15 SHARM EL SHEIKH, EGYPT
SEE SUNRISE OVER SINAI

There are few more affecting sites than Mount Sinai – the haunting mountain desert landscape where Moses is said to have received the Ten Commandments. Journey here by camel and sleep under a breathtaking firmament before climbing the Mount as a brilliant desert sun rises over this parched expanse. Sheik Mousa Mountain Hiking, +20 10 641 3575, www.sheikmousa.com

16 MAURITIUS
SWIM WITH DOLPHINS

Bottlenose and spinner dolphins cluster on the west coast of Mauritius – resting here before venturing into the Indian Ocean in search of food. Few experiences are more moving than swimming amongst these intelligent and graceful creatures in their deep-sea habitat. From 40, +230 704 2326, www.mauritiusattractions.com

17 GOA, INDIA
SALUTE THE SUN

Deep in the lush tropical gardens of Assagao, Northern Goa – with monkeys playing in the trees and beckoning hammocks strung about – there can be few better settings to practise your yoga poses than Purple Valley yoga school, one of India’s most respected in Ashtanga practice. One week non-residential courses from £580, +91 832 226 8364, www.yogagoa.com

18 INNSBRUCK, AUSTRIA
IT’S SNOWTIME

A deep Austrian valley shouldered by mountains, wintertime Innsbruck is best known for its world class skiing and skating. Lower octane activities can be just as spectacular. Why not indulge in a horse-drawn sleigh ride through white powdery snow? www..em>innsbruck.info

19 SALZBURG, SWITZERLAND
TAKE TO THE RAILS

Built during the pioneering era of the railways, the rail route that carves north through the Tauern Mountain range from Innsbruck to Salzburg conjures up the glamour of rail’s golden age, scything through snowy peaks and alpine waterfalls. Plan your journey through this dramatic enclave at www.seat61.com

20 MOROCCO
SAVOUR THE SAHARA

Yearning to escape the wired-up modern world? Then escape to the undiluted peace of a Bedouin camp where you can watch the dunes change colour as the sun sets and the stars punch through the ink-black night skies, and slumber in exquisite silence. www.cameltrekking.com

GETTING THERE
For more information about these destinations, visit your local Thomas Cook or Going Places store, call +44 (0)844 412 5966 or visit www.thomascook.com

PHOTOGRAPHY HELEN CATHCART

JERBA IS NOT THE FIRST island that comes to mind when you think of the Mediterranean. Yet there it sits, just off the coast of Tunisia, with all the reliable summer – and winter – sunshine and soft sandy beaches you’d expect to find, plus a few exotic extras. At times, the olive groves and square whitewashed houses, with doors and shutters picked out in vivid blue, make you feel like you’re in Greece – until you spot a camel sitting on the street corner or a white Moorish minaret poking above the rooftops.

Like many Mediterranean islands, Djerba has an Odyssey connection. In this case, it was said to be the land of the lotus eaters, where Ulysses and his crew were blown ashore by a storm and fed lotus blossoms by the natives, which led them to forget all thoughts of home.

Today, it’s a popular escape for French, Italians and northern Europeans in search of a lazy beach break and bargain spa treatments. As yet, you won’t hear many British voices around the pool or bargaining in the souks – but with the launch this year of new direct flights from Gatwick, that’s bound to change.

WHERE TO STAY

The design-conscious Radisson Blu (thomascook.com) has cool outdoor seating decks, dramatic lighting features, and chic contemporary décor in the rooms. Next door, there are more affordable rooms at Park Inn Ulysse Resort & Thalasso (rezidorparkinn.com). Families will enjoy Sentido Djerba Beach (thomascook.com), which is located 2km from a golf course.

MUST-SEES

Djerba has enough sights to keep you entertained when you want a break from the beach – but not so many that you’ll feel guilty if you stick to the sun-lounger.

The capital, Houmt Souk, is an appealing little town of cobbled streets and squares filled with whitewashed buildings that have blue-painted doors and shutters, and bright swags of bougainvillea draped photogenically over walls and arches. Shop the souks and drink fresh orange juice in pretty shaded squares, walk the ramparts of the seafront fort of Ghazi Mustapha or head down to the marina to board one of the pirate ships that sail out for a day’s R&R on nearby Pink Flamingo Island.

A short drive south of Houmt Souk brings you to La Ghriba Synagogue, a tiny jewel box of mosaic-tiled walls, stained glass skylights and pretty painted ceilings. Said to contain one of the oldest Torahs in existence, you can wander round colonnaded courtyards where the devout stay in spartan cells and sparrows nest noisily in the rafters.

Also worth a visit is the village of Guellala, where the street is lined with pottery shops overflowing with ceramic goods of every shape and size. Tour buses spill their passengers out at Maison de la Poterie (Av Salah Ben Youssef, +216 75 761 185, artpoterie.com), and it’s worth going in to admire the building itself and watch a demonstration – but if you’re actually buying, you’ll get better prices by wandering further along the street.

Just outside the village, head up to the Musée de Guellala (BP 102 4155). Attractively built in local style, it has some interesting displays of traditional Djerban lifestyles, crafts and costumes.

THE HOT TABLES

Restaurant Essofra (Rue Taïb Mhiri Houmt Souk, +216 75 651 640) is an unlikely blend of mountain chalet, beach bar and barn, with sunlight filtered through coloured fanlights and rafters hung with a weird and wonderful assortment of artefacts. But don’t let the surroundings distract you from the food – this is a great place to sample typical Tunisian dishes, such as mechouia (a smoky salad of roasted green peppers and onions), briq (a crisp, deep-fried pastry parcel of egg, tuna, potato and parsley) and couscous (with optional lamb’s head for the brave). Try the lot – a blow-out lunch will set you back less than 12 each.

Down by the marina in Houmt Souk, the rather smart Restaurant Haroun (Le Port de Houmt Souk, +216 75 650 488) has a lovely outdoor terrace that’s tailor-made for long, lazy lunches. Start with a selection of traditional salads and tasty dips (being suitably cautious with the fiery harissa, or chilli paste), bite into crispy Fatma’s fingers (a spring-roll-shaped take on briq), follow up with a char- grilled sea bass, then finish with refreshing lemon sorbet, and you’ll pay around 30 a head.

LOCAL DINING

For a real bargain, head to Houmt Souk’s Marché Central, where men in traditional robes sit behind white-tiled counters, auctioning off the day’s catch of fish. Snap up half a dozen grey mullet for 5 or so, then take them to one of the little restaurants around the market, where they’ll clean and griddle the fish for you and serve it up with salad, frites and couscous for a bargain five dinar ( 2.50).

BEACHES

Most of the hotels have bagged a spot along the most beautiful stretch of sand on the east coast of the island. Flop out for the day under a straw umbrella, or take a horse or camel ride along the shore. If you prefer your beaches wilder, a drive to the edge of the tourist zone will bring you to a stretch of open shore that hasn’t yet been closed off by hotels – but take everything you need (food, water, towel, etc) because there are no facilities there.

SHOPPING

Apart from the great ceramics in Guellala, good buys to snap up range from leather bags and shoes to ornamental bird houses and silver jewellery, delicate glass scent bottles and local olive oil and spices – plus enough sequinned harem outfits and turned-up-toe slippers to see you through fancy dress parties for years to come. Particularly worth seeking out in Houmt Souk, is Ben Ghorbal Antiques (Passage Rahba Kedima, opposite 39 Rue de Bizerte), a fabulous little treasure trove of vintage bric-a-brac.

AFTER DARK

Djerba isn’t exactly nightlife central, but most of the five-star hotels have their own disco – this year’s fave is the one at Rym Beach Hotel (BP 155, Midoun). If you head into Houmt Souk after dinner, you’ll find a gentle little scene down in the Marina, where locals laze in cafes around the port smoking shisha pipes, enjoying ice cream sundaes and sipping coffee with friends.

SPA

Tunisia has a growing reputation as a destination for thalassotherapy (seawater spa treatments) – and Djerba’s where you’ll find the highest concentration of thalassotherapy centres in the country. For first-timers, a multi-jet bath is a good gentle introduction – lie back and relax in a bubbling tub, while a series of water jets massage different parts of your body. At Park Inn Ulysse Resort & Thalasso, a 15-minute multi-jet bath costs 50 TND ( 27), while a 50-minute massage is 75 TND ( 40) – bargain prices by UK standards.

WHAT TO KNOW

Imported spirits are heavily taxed, so stick to local versions if you don’t want to be signing a scary bar bill at the end of the night.

GETTING THERE
For more information about this destination, visit your local Thomas Cook or Going Places store, or call +44 (0)844 412 5966 or visit www.thomascook.com

The 33-year-old TV presenter and wife of Matt Willis likes her hair short and wants beauty acupuncture, says Anisha Patel

The minute you have a baby, pampering goes out the window. I wear so much make- up for work [presenting Live From Studio Five] that I try not to day-to-day but I don’t leave the house without mascara.

I lost a lot of hair after having Isabelle [her daughter], so I’ve been keeping it quite short, neat and easy. But I like it.

After I was pregnant, I got a trainer and did a few sessions, but I didn’t feel pressure to lose more weight than I needed to.

I think celebrity mothers put pressure on themselves to lose weight, rather than the media. I’d rather be at home with my family than killing myself on a treadmill.

I’m intrigued by beauty acupuncture. It has a similar result to Botox, but without the scary chemicals or frozen face effect. It doesn’t quite get the wrinkle-free look but it’s meant to relax and rejuvenate your face. I’ve heard John Tsagaris is meant to be incredible, so I’m contemplating it.

Holly [Willoughby] had her baby around the same time as I had Isabelle. It’s nice to have friends who are in the same boat. It’s her son’s first birthday soon and Isabelle’s been invited to the party.

Matt [Willis, her husband and former member of Busted] is a big snowboarder, so he likes snow holidays. We go skiing every year, but I adore chilling out on a beach somewhere. So we also go to the beach for a few weeks every summer in the Med.

If people like Lily Allen want their own TV shows, good luck to them. I don’t sit there and think to myself, “I can’t believe that she got that job.” If you’re focusing on other people, you’re not really focusing on yourself.

Emma Willis is the face of beautycycle

1 L’ORÉAL PARIS YOUTH CODE DUO £17

Nadine says: L’Oréal has created a range that delivers skin mimicking enzymes which are essential for healthy, smooth and hydrated skin but deteriorate with age. It contains Youth Code Day Cream and Youth Code Eye that are formulated for women over 30 who want to take the first step into anti-ageing.

You say: My skin felt softer after a week. You can put foundation on straight after without any clumping or discolouration. Pinky Patel, 50, London

2 ELIZABETH ARDEN COMPLETELY BRONZED £25

Nadine says: This foolproof kit is perfect if you’re worried about looking more oompa loompah than Jennifer Lopez. Start by brushing the bronzer where the sun would hit your skin, add a pop of colour on the apples of your cheeks with the blush and finish with a dollop of gloss. Just add mascara for the perfect holiday look.

You say: Two shades gives you options for day and night. They also work on the lids to change the depth of colour. Julia Sealby, 35, Oxfordshire

3 SMASHBOX O-PLUMP £16

Nadine says: This ‘customised’ lip-plumping gloss goes on clear and then reacts with your own natural lip pigment to create a unique shade of pink to suit your lips. At the same time, lip- plumping plant extracts, including the antioxidants goji berry and pomegranate, give it a cool tingle and long lasting shine.

You say: It’s a great alternative to regular gloss. The subtle shade goes with all skin tones and it’s not too sticky. Jenny McNeely, 31, London

4 URBAN DECAY SUMMER OF LOVE NAIL ENAMEL KIT £15.50

Nadine says: Bright nails are big beauty news this season and this kit contains seven mini varnishes including perfect-for-the-beach pink and bright metallics for evenings. The formulation is colour rich and long lasting on toes and finger tips, and the mini sizes will see you through your holiday without drying up.

You say: A great pick‘n’mix for summer toenails. I’m wearing the dayglo pink for summer festivals. Alenka Lamare, 22, Stratford

Bradley Cooper

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Hollywood’s new action hero

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We are in for a compelling season of action flicks. In the right corner, there are the old school heroes – Arnie, Stallone, and Willis – who make their comeback with sheer brute force in The Expendables on 20 August.

But challenging them in the left corner, is a newer group of more complex action men that are about more than just muscles.

This new generation includes Jake Gyllenhaal (Prince of Persia), and Adrien Brody (Predators). They have the looks and charm to do a rom-com but can also step up as a well-rounded man’s man.

The latest actor to join this league is 35-year-old Hangover star Bradley Cooper who is currently playing Templeton ‘Faceman’ Peck in The A-Team.

Determined to prove he is more than a pretty face, Cooper allegedly cut out sugar, salt and flour from his diet, endured two-hour workouts with a trainer every day and got to grips with handling an M4 machine gun for the role. Not bad for a guy who got his break in an episode of Sex and the City.

But now that Cooper has had a taste of blood, is he looking for more? It would seem so as he’s set to star – alongside Robert De Niro – in the Alan Glynn novel- adaptation of The Dark Fields (out in 2011) about a writer who discovers a top-secret drug that can enhance natural abilities and has a group of killers on his trail.

He’s also in talks to star in a baseball movie from Allan Loeb (Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps), the thriller The Grey and an M. Night Shayamalan creeper. But before that, Cooper will return in The Hangover 2 in November. But then, with these new action heroes, it’s all about balance.

STYLE

Chanel

With Vanessa Paradis as the new leading lady, classic has never been this cool

Like shoulder pads, wedges and bum bags, models come full circle in the fashion world. Now an increasing number of fashion brands are seeking models – from Elle Macpherson to Claudia Schiffer – who exude more confidence, class and glamour than their up-and-coming 20-something counterparts.

To prove the point, Louis Vuitton – which uses older models, from Madonna to Sean Connery, for its campaigns – used Naomi Campbell to unveil its World Cup trophy travel case over its ‘new face’, Lara Stone. Reebok, too, has turned to a toned – and nude – Helena Christensen for its EasyTone trainer range.

And now fashion heavyweight Karl Lagerfeld has replaced 26-year-old Lily Allen (who is starting her own vintage fashion label, see page 22) as the label’s face and reverted to the sultry, timeless and very French Vanessa Paradis to front his Chanel Cocoon handbag collection.

At 37, Mrs Johnny Depp (though legally she isn’t, despite 12 years together, two children, four homes and a private Caribbean island), has already fronted campaigns for the Coco Chanel fragrance and two other handbag ranges since the 1990s.

If a Cocoon bag is too much of an investment, but you’re looking to add a classic touch, you can’t go past the effortless chic of Chanel No 5. It too is guaranteed

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